today is Mother’s Day – the one day in the year where we can all come together as one to make all the women around the world who are of a certain age & yet not mothers feel like total failures. yay!
I feel like Mother’s Day used to be about celebrating your own mother. I’m 100% for that, everyday. It feels like I don’t have to quote this but maybe it will bring me some benefit.
Allah says this in the Qur’an.
& the Prophet said:
Abu Huraira reported: A man asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your father.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5971, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2548
Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
and again:
Mu’awiyah ibn Jahima reported: Jahima came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, I intend to join the military expedition, and I seek your counsel.” The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”
Source: Sunan al-Nasā’ī 3104
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
Love your mothers. Be good to them. May we be good sons and daughters.
But somewhere along the line, Mother’s Day became a celebration of motherhood in general.
And motherhood is beautiful.
But what of our sisters who aren’t mothers? Are they any less of a woman?
the thing about x days
I’m no extremist on this – I certainly wouldn’t call any celebration whether it’s your birthday, Mother’s Day or World Fried Chicken Day haram. But let’s at least be real, much of the origins lie in capitalism and businesses wanting excuses to sell more things you don’t need.
Beyond that though, are the exclusion within these days on two levels:
- we celebrate only X on this day (and no one else)
- we celebrate X on this day only (and no other day)
For Mother’s Day and celebrating mothers, we know the second can’t be true. You’d hope we celebrate mothers everyday.
And the first? Well, that brings me back to the point I started with.
a non-collective celebration is no celebration at all
A critic would say that my argument here is the same as those complaining about International Women’s Day saying:
what about the men!!
…and you’d have a point, but you’re proving my point above too about the problem with Days.
Here’s my counter-example.
My little nephew celebrated his fifth birthday. Time to unwrap all the presents, one by one! Just as excited is his 7 year old abang standing by the side, but with every new toy his adik gets and everyone cheering, the realisation that none of them are for him visibly affects my little man.
You could scold him – it’s not your birthday! You’ll get presents when it’s your birthday, today is adik’s day.
Or you could give him a hug, or one tiny gift, or let him unwrap something. You could let him know he’s loved too.
Another example. Have you ever been at an awkward wedding where almost everything seems to be an inside joke between friends that no one else understands, and those who do don’t bother explaining?
The best birthday parties are where every guest feels loved. The best weddings are where every family member and friend feels part of the celebration.
Sure, you could tell those feeling hurt and left out to get over it. It’s not about you, it’s just one day, it’s not that big a deal…
But in my eyes? It’s no celebration if we’re not happy together. that means putting in the work to include everyone. how that looks like entirely depends on the situation – but the spotlight doesn’t have to dim any less on the star of the day, just because you make sure everyone’s basking in the glow.
And if you’re intentionally keeping people away in the dark corners? Reflect on your intentions and whether you’d have been better off not celebrating at all.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite videos on the internet of all time. Watch it and you’ll see why it’s here.
Be loved, and give love.