life as an introvert
Sometimes I think about how different my life would be if I was an extrovert.
If extroversion is hereditary, then it’s pretty obvious from looking at my parents, my siblings and me how unlikely that would’ve been. But humour me for a moment.
I’m an introvert constantly finding myself thrusted into extrovert-friendly roles in life. Here’s a list of things that I have done, but would’ve excelled at far more if I was an extrovert:
- pesta pantun
- debating
- pitching at Hult Prize and other hackathons
- sales / business development
- emceeing
- moderator
- teacher
- ..and especially in the last 3+ years, facilitating
I‘m not saying I didn’t do well. I know I did my very best, and I think feedback and results suggest I actually did good in each of these things when I’ve been called upon to do them.
But yesterday, after 15 minutes of awkward walking around the hallways outside an event hall with about 1,000 people who didn’t know me just because I felt too overwhelmed to talk to anyone, I know I can’t fight it. I’m 33, I’ve done all of the scary things above and spoken to hundreds and thousands of strangers – but I’m still scared.
you can’t have no kryptonite
So forget it. Even Superman has a weakness – why not zaid?
I’m never going to be the kinda guy who gets energised from meeting new strangers in an unfamiliar place – no matter how much fun I actually have.
I’m never gonna be the kinda dude walking around the room handing around business cards with a huge smile.
(I saw a fresh-faced youngin do this at an event this week – including to me – and teen Zaid wouldve hated him, 20s zaid wouldve been jealous and 30s zaid is like…loving it, good for you.)
I’m never gonna be the (first) person that walks up to the mic in the middle of a crowded auditorium and asks a question.
And that’s okay.
It might have been easier if I could…but if I was an extrovert, I might also lose some of the superpowers that have brought me this far. Listening. Empathy. Structuring my thoughts and words before they come out my mouth.
you just need an antidote
I walked out of that packed hall to a nearby food court. I took out my notebook. For 15 minutes, I wrote down how I was feeling, why I came and exactly what I was going to do the moment I was done writing.
I stood up, walked back into the hall and learnt all I wanted & more. I even got adopted by 3 pakciks despite sitting alone after I got my lunch and had an insightful conversation + got their phone numbers.
In 2015, Kak Hanna – my first ever boss at my internship – gave me a little book called Quiet. I recommend it still whenever someone says they’re an introvert. It’s been 10 years and I’ve forgotten what’s inside the book, but I’ll never forget feeling so seen in that moment – as a kid who’s always been called quiet, loves books and had so much to say.
To my fellow introverts, don’t worry. You’ll get to say what you need to – just in your own way.
There’s really no other way to do it.